Motivation 101: You decide who and what you want to be!

Hi lovelies,

Lets get some motivation going. Positive thoughts and positive energy…let’s spread it around.  Are you tired of feeling like someone who doesn’t fit in? someone who always feels like the odd ball? Someone who people constantly seem to not understand where you are coming from? Someone who struggles to explain yourself all the time even knowing you have nothing but the best of intentions? Well if you answered yes to all or atleast a few of these questions then worry not my friend, you and I have alot in common and I might just have found a way to resolve our mutual problem.

Most of my solutions come out in forms of sayings! For those of you who have been reading my motivation posts regularly might just have caught onto that by now. So this weeks saying that lead me to a solution is: “You can feel that you stick out like a sore thumb or you can feel that you were born to stand out”

Now lets play a scenario here. You are hanging out with a group of people who surprisingly seem to mesh pretty well. They think you are cool and all but everytime an idea or concept comes up you seem to be the one who doesnt agree with the rest of the group. You tend to start noticing a pattern. You just aren’t like the rest of them. Now let’s multiply this one group into several groups. This happens to you alot. And people just seem to turn their head sideways and look at you all weird. My next question will be ask yourself if your difference of opinion going to harm someone? is it going to cause any trouble? is it going to offend anyone? is it racist? is it illegal? If you answered no to all these question then why should you be ashamed of your decision? If you have good intention and your idea is just as good as theirs or well opinion (hahaha okay it might just be a tad bit better than theirs but we wont tell them that sshh) then there is no reason for you to feel like you have to agree with them. Speak your mind and speak it out loud and proud.

Now here is a mistake we all make. We tend to freak out at our difference of opinion. Some of us either nod and say oh well nah you all are right or others just drop the topic feeling meek and alone. But you know what? why should you do that? The first step to being the strong YOU is to state your opinion out loud. Don’t feel bad. Isnt that what everyone else just did, in the group? They all spoke their mind. Well lucky for them that there is more of them in one place. Now think what if there was only one of them and more people like you in that group? ROLE REVERSAL. They will feel like the odd ball and guess what? EVERYONE GOES THROUGH THAT! Everyone is an odd ball somewhere in their life and that is what makes us human and different from each other.  Yes some people might snicker or laugh about it but then guess what? They are immature and do you really want to take immature people’s opinion seriously? If you are willing to see difference of opinion as a normal thing and they don’t, then it’s their problem and not yours. They need to grow up and learn the world was built for all of us be like robots built in a factory.

You don’t want to be like everyone else. You want to stand out. And as I said it is you who decides who and what you want to be… You could make it painful and feel like you stick out like a sore thumb or stand out as someone confident who has their own set of opinions and wont sway just because everyone blindly or not so blindly agrees with a certain topic.

Motivation 101: When you are down…how to get back up! Athletes Mentality and Cold Showers

Hey Lovelies,

Stick around for how my injury will be your motivation after my mini injury story:).

I had been a little blue for a week or two because of an unexpected injury! Haha like we ever expect injuries? Ah but you know what I mean. I had been getting really close to the best shape of my life when about 3 Fridays ago at the gym, I had a severe shooting calf pain. I tried to ignore it for a few minutes but then my knee started to hurt real bad. I couldn’t feel my leg for a good half an hour and I just was in excruciating pain, sitting looking silly on the gym floor. Anyways so the doctor’s diagnosis is tendonitis in my ankles, calf and knees! Great what does that mean? No working out for a month and a half. Oh but he said I can swim. Did I mention I don’t know how to swim? Well I did take swimming as  physical education in college for 4 weeks but I didn’t really get far. And due to not swimming regularly I haven’t been able to master it at all.

Now how do you take advantage from my ordeal and use it to your advantage? So ofcourse just like anyone who has been running, cardio dancing, playing basket ball and what not to get in shape when I was told to sit on my butt I was pretty depressed. I won’t lie I am still struggling with it. And oh the work I did is slowly vanishing. But something hits me! I wasn’t always this person who got depressed over injuries like this or someone to whom pain mattered! I coin this as an Athlete’s mentality. I recall in school growing up (pre-college days that is), the only event I was ever interested in was the Sports week. I participated in whatever I could running track to relays, badminton and God knows what all. And it hurt, hurt real bad but I didn’t care. I recall carrying a tube of muscle relaxant around and rubbing it on several times a day then going back to whatever training I had planned for the day. I would like to say the younger me was much more stronger than the new older me! The new me is weak and frail not because I am physically weak and frail. It is because that is who I have mentally become! Look at American football players or any other Athlete for that matter. They get surgeries and few weeks or months later they are out and about playing their sport again. As my husband stated “Pain doesn’t stop them. It is just an obstacle they need to get past. Some sort of annoyance that can be fixed and forgotten”. I understand not all injuries are alike so consult your doctor before trying funny antics but honestly its somewhat power of positive thinking too here.
So why can’t you use this athlete’s mentally in other parts of your life? Yes its great being used for a situation like mine. When you fall pick yourself back up…plan better and keep going. An injury or life blow is just an obstacle which you will fix and move on from. We are as weak as we tell ourselves we are. I spent 2.5 years of my life not being active! Gave up on running and gave up on sports because of my Plantar Fasciitis – Haha yes I know I just have bad legs 🙂 but the moment I stopped caring about the pain, it didn’t matter no more. Sometimes just sitting makes our muscles weaker and weaker. We need to use them to make them stronger.  Sometimes chanting you can do it, will help you do what you need to achieve.

And cold showers can help. You must be thinking I am talking crazy here but honestly that is your first test! I was told by my doctor to ice my legs 3 to 5 times a day so taking my steaming showers seemed alittle out of question. I being the crazy IT person that I am google everything! so I googled cold showers…why? I don’t know but it has proven very useful. Some guy wrote an entire 5 page article about how people who will refuse to take a cold shower are just plain unmotivated and always take life easy. I was laughing the article off when the more and more I read, the more sense it made! Why can’t I take a cold shower? Oh cause it will make me uncomfortable but maybe I should train myself to get past the uncomfortable. Learn that things aren’t always going to be my way and I just have to move on the best way I can. Literally 5 minutes later I was in the bathroom with water running in the tub with the tap handle on the cold side. It was scary at first and I had a few shallow breaths but I did it! Soon the water started feeling warmer. My body’s ability to adapt kicked in! You see where I am going with this? YOU ARE AS STRONG AS YOU MAKE YOURSELF! And now for the past 3 weeks all I do is take cold showers! Its getting easier everyday. Oh and trust me ladies there are benefits to taking cold showers. Your hair gets really healthy and shiny! We will have to talk about that in another post. And guy it also helps eliminate aches and pains.

So if you are scared of doing something…start with a cold shower. Obtaining little uncomfortable goals will help you get farther in life 🙂 I am sure some of you just like me are now running to take a cold shower while others are just shaking your head thinking what a crazy girl! But guess what if it helped me I am sure it is going to help some more people out there. The Athletes mentality and cold showers are your best weapons so use them 🙂

Motivation 101″The Click”:Kicking negativity and negative people to the curb

Hi Lovelies,

First of all I am going to thank those of you who had contacted me privately via my facebook page in regards to writing more motivational posts, suggesting self help books to read and just talking about how my posts helped you motivate yourself to make the changes in your life. I can’t put in words how much I loved reading those messages so please keep them coming. Knowing I am helping someone somewhere keeps me going.

Now onto our fave topic of avoiding the negative nancies in our life and how to kick them to the curb, without the feeling of guilt lingering for days.I have just landed home from work and immediately hopped onto my laptop to write this post out, as I do not want to forget any piece of information that helped me CLICK my thoughts into place. I hope some of you can benefit from this as well, especially those who love to help people without expecting a reward back and then get really sad when someone instead of uttering two words of thanks decides to abuse your kindness. The problem also comes in because people like us are extremely outnumbered. Most people either are the negative nancies that love to bring other people down due to their own insecurities as well as those that just easily kick such people to the curb and move on. I so wish I could be like my husband who is the nicest and kindest human being until you cross him. No he won’t harm no body but he can just easily hit the eject button and delete people from his life. And then its all over. For me? I wonder if it is upsetting them? If they are hurt? who will they go to  for help if they need something and hence I stick around taking the abuse.
Now I have had my fair share of hour long discussions. People trying to figure out why is that I like to be abused or suggesting that maybe I should change. But no one was able to provide me a good enough reason or how to go about discontinuing that belief that we should care for others irrespective of how they behave and becomingcold enough to just dump them when they act out. I think I finally found a solution. I received a truly remarkable comment from a childhood friend, a friend that I stuck by not because we had something in common but just because I wanted to help them while everyone else ignored them.Yes yes I understand the martyr attitude. It has been years since we have physically been on the same side of the planet but every time they felt down, I’d try to cheer them up. So getting something so wishy washy and mean was surprising. I wear my emotions on my face in the privacy of my cubicle at work but sometimes the cubicles are not so private and it leads to people asking whats wrong? My coworkers tried to provide some solace and immediately jumped to the conclusion of deleting the person off of facebook and cutting all ties. Now being who we are the saviors of the world- I think its quite petty. I can’t bring myself to drop someone from my life over such a miniscule issue. Which was quite astonishing to my workers. I couldn’t tell them that I find it quite cold hearted and I don’t aspire to be that person. I requested if they provide me a bridge so I can be on their side of the world and see how they see it but I was told that I need to figure it out on my own. We talked about the suicidal tendencies of the friend and their loneliness and I got asked why do I care? And the question ringed in my head which I didnt verbalize “WHY WOULDNT I CARE ABOUT HUMAN LIFE?” I understand me leaving their life wont immediately lead them to kill themselves but what if I am atleast one source of sunshine? Do I want to be responsible for the downturn of their life? The discussion ended like all others- no solution found.
But there is a reason I am married to my dear husband. Most of the changes in my life have come about due to his help. He has helped me become the super bright person I am today.Ofcourse as nothing evil goes unnoticed online my hubby saw the comment – which obviously I cared to not delete due to the fact that that would be mean (I know I sound crazy but how would you feel if someone deleted your comment?) And then while speaking to him he said something….something so great that the bridge I couldn’t cross suddenly disappeared! And I heard a loud CLICK in my head. He said “I don’t want you to change. Don’t let someone ever tell you something is wrong with you. Kindness is hard to find these days but use it as a reward why should it be free, if it is so rare?”

And with that one sentence I had a huge smile on my face. I knew I found my treasure, the reason I wanted to stop being kind to negative people. To stop them from abusing me and feeling the guilt if I cut the cord of our friendship. Kindness should be how we communicate with people. Kindness should be your name, your body and your behavior till it is returned. The moment kindness is not returned form the other side, it should not be given free.It should be a privilege. You either earn it or you loose it. Why should you give your time and kindness to someone who wouldn’t do the same for you. Well most of us in this dilemma are self sacrificial human beings and don’t care about how we get treated hence the abusive relationships. So to help change your thinking use this strategy instead – These evil people won’t treat others with kindness if they are being mean to you, someone who has done nothing but nice things for them. If they wont treat the world fairly then why should they get kindness for free? They revoke their rights of being treated as such. Well someone else can do that for them till they figure out as well that kindness is being wasted on them. As for me? I should just walk away.  My husband also gave me a cute scenario. If you bake cup cakes and give them away for free and in return someone throws stones at you then do they have a right to complain when the free cupcakes are taken away?

Well then friends lets drop the shroud of guilt and kick those negative nancies and uncivilized people to the curb. I understand the hopeful dilemma that maybe they will change tomorrow and become nice. But you know what? they haven’t and you shouldn’t waste your kindness on someone that doesn’t deserve it. Use it on someone who will return your kindness to someone else and start a chain of kindness that can not be broken. Using weak links in your chain will always lead to heartache and broken chains. It doesn’t make you an evil person or cold hearted person, It makes to you a fair person and you know us self sacrificing human beings love being fair.

Must Read: Is Being Civil Online too much to ask for?

 

Hi lovelies,

As my regular readers most of you know that my blog was started as a positive space for women. Where I can promote love and civility between our female species. Unfortunately it saddens me to realize that somehow the message is getting lost in space. I need to find out a better way of incorporating that as a theme of my blog that will stand out enough for infrequent visitors of my blog.

I am tired of the negativity I constantly witness online being thrown from one female to another. The minor details sometimes someone will point out that wouldn’t stand out to a regular browser of the blog to give someone a bad day or feeling. Thankfully I haven’t had that many brush ups with negative comments as I have seen some really brilliant bloggers having to deal with. But of course atleast a few had to land in my lap too right?

I have numerous times talked about this issue in real life that people should look into details provided before laughing off an issue that potentially could be a serious problem with someone. But this seems to be a common issue with most human beings these days especially the female population that in order to make themselves look better, they would topple and climb over as many other females as possible.

I understand doing things like this in person or face to face because you don’t have enough time to process what comes out of your mouth but online? On a blog? as a blogger? on a post? Most bloggers spend time thinking, creating and editing their posts to provide quality work to their readers. So how come in this whole span of time someone thinks its appropriate to be mean? Its worst when it comes from a somewhat established blogger.

I have constantly also told people around me that it’s best to not say anything if you have nothing positive to say. It really makes me wonder people’s intention when they outgoingly say cruel things to their friends, coworkers or anyone else for that matter.

When all else fails and we know we can’t change the world right away. And that world can only be changed one person at a time. I am going to leave you with this message:

If you are on the receiving end of a negative comment and you did nothing to instigate it then you know you are doing something right. People spend time to make you look bad because they saw something in you to begin with in the first place that bothered them about themselves.

So ladies lets keep our heads high when those negative comments are thrown your way and keep your lips sealed when it comes to negativity because change needs to start from within us and we have to be the change we want to see in the world.

Inspiration of the Day: Power Hunger

I have never understood why people have such an urge to have power and control over everyone. I understand control freaks because I am one but I never want to have power people. I like power over situations to fix everything. It’s one thing to be able to fix things its completely different to want to step on others toes and go so power hungry that you start appearing inhumane. Hopefully one day we can achieve the peace and calm we all wish for.

Inspiration of the Day: Positive View

This quote can provide a positive outlook in so many aspects of ones life: career, self esteem, workout or any other goal that you might have! This one is going to be printed and posted on my work wall 🙂

Inspiration of the Day: Growing Up

Hi Lovelies! I have decided that since my blog is all about women empowerment and helping each other learn, grow and change for the positive I am going to start another regular posting which will be Inspirational quotes that can enlighten and help us grow mentally and emotionally. Help us cope with whatever we may be going through in our lives and our esteem struggles. I am all about printing some of the quotes that mean alot to me and putting them around my desk at work so I can draw inspiration from them when ever I feel down 🙂 Feel free to follow if you need a dose of inspiration in your life!

Life Control 101 : Walking Away…the appropriate time to do just that

Hi sweeties!

Its very appropriate for me to write this post right now because TAKING  A BREAK is exactly what I am going to be doing starting tomorrow. Those of you have been avidly reading my blog know that last Friday I had a mini melt down. That is exactly when I decided I need a break. Luckily for me most people at my office know how much time and effort I am putting in so asking for a day off only a week in advance didnt raise any brows.

If you are anything like me you decide not to take time off when school work or office work starts to pile up. Heck even if you are too busy with your home life. You cancel that vacation and whatever else you had planned because you know people have expectations of you. You drain yourself in so much work that you don’t even have time to stop and eat. You start being cranky, have lack of energy, come home collapse at night and do it all over again the next day. It’s like your a mouse in mouse trap just going in circles.

How can you avoid this vicious circle? TAKE A BREAK…it is very important that you take breaks specially when work load gets to this extent. The mentality that this isnt an appropriate time to drop everything and walk away is very wrong. Taking 24 hours to 48 hours and then coming back to the task at hand will keep you motivated, be less whinny, good for everyone dealing with you and good for your own health. And you will be able to think with a clearer mind and actually increase your productivity further which will be bogged down if you are stressed and fatigued day in and out. Trust me from my experience I have noticed that after a break I went back to doing twice the amount of work I did the week before when I was overwhelmed and tired.

I know this that when that person, office or school work needs you the most the last thing you think of is disappointing them but to be honest if you dont walk away for a bit you will eventually collapse and the road from burnout and stress recovery will be way more harsher. You will loose interest in what you are doing and even loose credibility at your job as someone  who has no interest in their job anymore.

 When to know its time for a break vs becoming someone who always ditches work on others when they are needed the most:

1-Do you spend more time thinking about whats on your checklist to do than actually getting things done?

2- Are you catching yourself thinking about your tasks and to do list when you should be enjoying your time with family or doing something fun?

3- Are you overwhelmed and can not catch up to the tasks that are being put on your plate?

4- Have you started despising things that you loved doing once at work or school?

5- Are you Snappy, Cranky or losing your temper easily? Have others noticed a change in your behavior?

6- Is your performance at the task you were good at going down?

7- Your skipping sleep or meals to finish the projects assigned to you?

8- You dont remember the last time you had FUN?

9- Are you catching yourself constantly looking at the time and hoping you had more hours in your day?

10- Although you are sleeping enough your body and mind are still tired?

If more than 4 or 5 of these sound true then you are fatigued and your body needs a break.  Trust me the 24 to 48 hours you take off and try to shut your brain off would reward you in finishing your tasks in lightening fast speed.

Everything is good in moderation if you push yourself too far you are bound to break but if you work hard and then play hard you have a healthy balance in life. So stop , smile and take that break you deserve!

 

Life Control 101: Introduction – For those need that help on Stress and Time Management

Hi Sweeties,

It takes alot of guts from my end to discuss my past and present so openly but I wanted to throw this out there for those who wanted some tips and tricks into how to keep insane, function and manage a million things at one time. I am sure there are millions of people out there who probably do alot more than I have ever done but these posts aren’t going to be about comparison or something I am boasting about. It’s just my journey through life and my struggle of getting a grip on things around me and I am a firm believer that writing things down makes it easier to follow them so by helping you guys I would be helping myself too …lets kill two birds with one stone lol

Anyhow my childhood life up till grade 4 was pretty easy. I actually have no recollection of anything bad. But consciousness of what is right and wrong started weighing heavy on my brain after I switched school in grade 5. The feeling of doing right! The guilt of saying no to anyone or any task it all just started to become a really bad habit that to this day I struggle with. If someone asks me for help my immediate response is a big “YES” although I know I have too much on my plate. I have recently learnt the importance of self love if you want to call it that and I am practicing it in my life right now. Lets get into my teenage years. All I recall is my parents owning a business and it was a 24/7 affair! I recall working 12 to 13 hours a day with a full load of undergraduate classes. Ofcourse with my mommie dearest not having a license I was also her chauffeur. Also the night time food delivery person for my dad when he had to work 24 hours straight shifts as my brother was too exhausted to get up and go take over so my dad can make it home. Yes I understand mismanagement and if I were to go back there now I would have devised better plans. But thats why I am writing this section on my blog! Cause I have been there, I have learnt and have gotten smarter!

Moved on Campus in hopes that I would get some time to concentrate on school work as it was getting really hectic at home with my mom’s constant banter of wanting to go shopping or running errands was taking time away from my projects. Became a Resident Assistant in the dorms. Those of you who have held the job are aware how much work that position can be day and night! We are literally little slaves to the Residential Life office. I wanted a little extra money so I decided to also become a desk assistant and most of my shifts lasted from 12am to 6am in the morning. I also around the same time was an IT assistant in one of the offices on Campus. Errr there was a semester I went bonkers and took 21 credits cause I really needed to graduate. Not to forget my mom still need a chauffeur.

Currently I work as an IT person for the University I graduated from and have been covering two extra people’s job one of whom retired in last march and one that left in august. I have had nights where I was up till 2 or 3am working at home after getting back from work and went right back the following morning. Trying to be a good wife cooking dinner and doing other house wifely tasks that are expected. I wont lie though my husband is my big support and sometimes he gets the short end of the stick because he is working part time and continuing through the journey of his education. I am adding Graduate school to my already full plate this Spring.

I have gone through the excruciating, unnecessary and unfair process of immigration! Seen a fair share of legal battles when it came to our business as a teenager and fought the case as rest of the my family was too scared to speak out for their rights. I have married outside of my race which in itself was a battle given the culture I come from. But things have seemed to smooth out with my family now that they have realized skin color and race dont matter. It is the heart and kindness of the person that counts and trust me my husband is the nicest person you will ever meet well also my dad lol.

Now that you have  a small glimpse into my world and my journey through life. I will talk from time to time on here about what have I done to break the bad habits, to manage my time better, to keep myself going when I just wanted to throw my hands up like everyone else around me. Feel free to stop by often or hit the follow button so we can embark on this journey of self change for a happy and healthy “US”!

Also feel free to post some of your journeys and what you are struggling with. Make sure to add a few strengths because you know you made it here today because you aren’t weak 🙂

Must Read For Women: Prisoners to Our Body Image – We need to Break Free

Have you ever heard these below comments about yourself or uttered them towards other women?

“Her dress is way too short”

“She always wear such tight dresses and skirts”

“That top is too low neck, she always her boobs out”

“Ewww haha she looks like a boy”

“Chicken Legs!”

It is very easy to show our disapproval towards other women’s bodies and their clothing but it is much harder concept to understand the reasoning behind it that not everyone is out to get attention, show cleavage or prefer to be made fun of by wearing baggy clothes. Women everywhere are uncomfortable in their own skin due to the judgements that get passed on them by other fellow women. If anyone should understand this it should be other women. From my own experience growing up as a stick thin person in school hoping to attain a few curves to now hiding my curves as much as I can. It has been a constant tug of war at the stores when looking at clothes to buy.

It was an interesting journey to understanding this point when I saw similar items on other fashion bloggers  that I am rocking only their hem line seems to be much lower than mine. They almost can pull of their bodycon dresses or skirt as a sophisticated pencil skirt where as pencil skirts have become mini skirts for girls like me. I talked to a quite a few friends who are  busty and realized how easy it is for me to find a cute low cut top but a regular top make them look like the town spectacle where everyone is gawking at them. I have spent hours buying countless items at the store thinking oh this is perfect for work only to realize oops it isnt looking as long as it did in the mirror in the fitting room. Mean while on the other side leaner and petite girls are cinching their wastes, lifting their hemlines to not look like they are drowning in their mothers hand me downs. No need to laugh at them or mock them, they are well aware that they wish the dress fitted them better.

What I am trying to convey is that cut your female counter parts some slack. Similar things appear different on different body types. Adding a few inches here and there can make a perfectly long knee length dress appear short on someone while removal of those same inches here and there might make clothes appear baggy. I understand there are options like tailoring your clothes or getting them altered but honestly not everyone has that kind of money.

Some women are naturally busty and unfortunately no matter what they wear their stuff is always going to be in your face. There is no reason to snicker and call her a slut because for all you know she could have spent hours trying to adjust that top to make it look more appropriate before leaving the house and this might be the best she could do.  It’s easier to understand your body type and its short comings cause your living in it. But every single body type has its ups and downs. Just like certain things dont work for you but you do what you can to enjoy a sense of style and fashion, so do other females. Take a deep breath and let them be because I am sure you appreciate being treated the same way. You wouldn’t understand  them fully unless you walk a thousand mile in their shoes but atleast try or just keep your lips sealed.

I understand not every style of clothing is made for every single body type but sometimes given certain body types nothing seems to fit right. I have attached some of celebrity pictures to this post as an example for those who like to think visually to understand a concept.

Please take some time for today onwards and make a pact to be less judgmental and be understanding of your fellow women. It’s time we give up the catty remarks and making others feel uncomfortable.

Kim Kardashian has one of the most curvaceous and talked about body. No matter what she wears everything seems to cling right to her curves and here is a prime example of a dress Kim wore which was also worn by Posh Spice who ofcourse looks just as impeccable but is way more leaner and sleeker than Kim.  Now think about the girls who you saw rocking a dress at the mall the other day that you and your friends spent hours judging. Is it her fault that she is either too skinny or too curvy to fit the clothes that the society will deem the ideal mold of a certain type of perfect women?

STOP JUDGING LIVE AND LET LIVE

Preity Zinta and Kim Kardashian

     JLO and Blumarine Versace model