First of all I am going to thank those of you who had contacted me privately via my facebook page in regards to writing more motivational posts, suggesting self help books to read and just talking about how my posts helped you motivate yourself to make the changes in your life. I can’t put in words how much I loved reading those messages so please keep them coming. Knowing I am helping someone somewhere keeps me going.
Now onto our fave topic of avoiding the negative nancies in our life and how to kick them to the curb, without the feeling of guilt lingering for days.I have just landed home from work and immediately hopped onto my laptop to write this post out, as I do not want to forget any piece of information that helped me CLICK my thoughts into place. I hope some of you can benefit from this as well, especially those who love to help people without expecting a reward back and then get really sad when someone instead of uttering two words of thanks decides to abuse your kindness. The problem also comes in because people like us are extremely outnumbered. Most people either are the negative nancies that love to bring other people down due to their own insecurities as well as those that just easily kick such people to the curb and move on. I so wish I could be like my husband who is the nicest and kindest human being until you cross him. No he won’t harm no body but he can just easily hit the eject button and delete people from his life. And then its all over. For me? I wonder if it is upsetting them? If they are hurt? who will they go to for help if they need something and hence I stick around taking the abuse.
Now I have had my fair share of hour long discussions. People trying to figure out why is that I like to be abused or suggesting that maybe I should change. But no one was able to provide me a good enough reason or how to go about discontinuing that belief that we should care for others irrespective of how they behave and becomingcold enough to just dump them when they act out. I think I finally found a solution. I received a truly remarkable comment from a childhood friend, a friend that I stuck by not because we had something in common but just because I wanted to help them while everyone else ignored them.Yes yes I understand the martyr attitude. It has been years since we have physically been on the same side of the planet but every time they felt down, I’d try to cheer them up. So getting something so wishy washy and mean was surprising. I wear my emotions on my face in the privacy of my cubicle at work but sometimes the cubicles are not so private and it leads to people asking whats wrong? My coworkers tried to provide some solace and immediately jumped to the conclusion of deleting the person off of facebook and cutting all ties. Now being who we are the saviors of the world- I think its quite petty. I can’t bring myself to drop someone from my life over such a miniscule issue. Which was quite astonishing to my workers. I couldn’t tell them that I find it quite cold hearted and I don’t aspire to be that person. I requested if they provide me a bridge so I can be on their side of the world and see how they see it but I was told that I need to figure it out on my own. We talked about the suicidal tendencies of the friend and their loneliness and I got asked why do I care? And the question ringed in my head which I didnt verbalize “WHY WOULDNT I CARE ABOUT HUMAN LIFE?” I understand me leaving their life wont immediately lead them to kill themselves but what if I am atleast one source of sunshine? Do I want to be responsible for the downturn of their life? The discussion ended like all others- no solution found.
But there is a reason I am married to my dear husband. Most of the changes in my life have come about due to his help. He has helped me become the super bright person I am today.Ofcourse as nothing evil goes unnoticed online my hubby saw the comment – which obviously I cared to not delete due to the fact that that would be mean (I know I sound crazy but how would you feel if someone deleted your comment?) And then while speaking to him he said something….something so great that the bridge I couldn’t cross suddenly disappeared! And I heard a loud CLICK in my head. He said “I don’t want you to change. Don’t let someone ever tell you something is wrong with you. Kindness is hard to find these days but use it as a reward why should it be free, if it is so rare?”
And with that one sentence I had a huge smile on my face. I knew I found my treasure, the reason I wanted to stop being kind to negative people. To stop them from abusing me and feeling the guilt if I cut the cord of our friendship. Kindness should be how we communicate with people. Kindness should be your name, your body and your behavior till it is returned. The moment kindness is not returned form the other side, it should not be given free.It should be a privilege. You either earn it or you loose it. Why should you give your time and kindness to someone who wouldn’t do the same for you. Well most of us in this dilemma are self sacrificial human beings and don’t care about how we get treated hence the abusive relationships. So to help change your thinking use this strategy instead – These evil people won’t treat others with kindness if they are being mean to you, someone who has done nothing but nice things for them. If they wont treat the world fairly then why should they get kindness for free? They revoke their rights of being treated as such. Well someone else can do that for them till they figure out as well that kindness is being wasted on them. As for me? I should just walk away. My husband also gave me a cute scenario. If you bake cup cakes and give them away for free and in return someone throws stones at you then do they have a right to complain when the free cupcakes are taken away?
Well then friends lets drop the shroud of guilt and kick those negative nancies and uncivilized people to the curb. I understand the hopeful dilemma that maybe they will change tomorrow and become nice. But you know what? they haven’t and you shouldn’t waste your kindness on someone that doesn’t deserve it. Use it on someone who will return your kindness to someone else and start a chain of kindness that can not be broken. Using weak links in your chain will always lead to heartache and broken chains. It doesn’t make you an evil person or cold hearted person, It makes to you a fair person and you know us self sacrificing human beings love being fair.