It has been a while since I have written a wordy post. Actually it has been a while since I have actually posted regularly. But I guess today will be the beginning of me shedding another layer of myself infront of you all in hopes that it will help someone else struggling out there. I have recently heard a lot about the dislike of social media platform of how people only post when they are at their best. What about their struggles and failures? Bloggers are especially under scrutiny for this and sometimes it is hard to even show grief or struggle because everyone looks upto them for inspiration or words of advice. Somehow us bloggers become icons of positivity and are expected to know the key to happiness. But if you look closely we struggle too, away from the camera snapping another outfit picture or recording yet another tutorial/review are when the smiles disappears and the pain becomes apparent.
If you go through my last few posts you will see the same old smiling me, the makeup, the outfits – like nothing has changed but once the camera is put away is when I put my wrist braces back on as I battle carpel tunnel and work towards healing a foot sprain, which by now has turned into a stress fracture and I lug around a heavy boot. You wouldn’t know that I went through a painful bout of kidney infection earlier this year or that 2015 has just been a year of sickness and injuries. I have learnt to laugh the loudest when among friends and coworkers, crack jokes. Someone who swore by wearing no makeup to work now has a perfect face on everyday. I feel awkward when EVERYONE just stares or sympathizes with all my injuries as I slowly make my way to work. I go through dresses after dresses trying to find something that fits like it used to, days of just sitting on the couch being unable to walk has definitely helped me put on some weight. To everyone else’s eyes I am still tiny or the perfect size, but my growing body and tighter clothes tell me otherwise. I have had my worst moments when no one is home, when I have felt complete despair and I have sobbed like there is no end but I have somehow continued to keep a straight face around everyone even family. If you ask me how I am doing? I’d laugh and say something funny, I have given myself nick names such as a transformer robot and I tell everyone how well I am healing. But deep down inside there is deep rooted depression, impatience and desperation to get back where I was. It all comes out and surrounds me when no one is around.
What we see on TV, media and social media isn’t real – What’s real is everyone struggles internally in some sort of way. They might not talk about their failures or losses or grief. Heck talking about depression and anxiety is such a taboo topic. We crucify people who shows signs of upset on social media. We are all chasing this image of the perfect instagram/twitter/facebook personality but in reality there is none of us are perfect or having a joyous moment 24/7 and 365 days a year.
If you are someone who has a struggle just know there are others all around you, who fear sharing it. Who are quietly fighting their own. I wish we all just understood that falling off the wagon or grieving isn’t embarrassing. That if you aren’t the soldier or the trooper you have been all your life, it is not the end of the world. That you will rise up again one day and come back even harder. What should you do at moments like this? You should sit there and think about all the other times you fell, and how it shaped your life and how it made you stronger. Think about all the blessings that you still have or had previously. Think about the kindness of strangers or something nice someone said despite how much of a mess you looked like. And if you want to cry..do it…it doesn’t make you weak.
When you are done crying, wipe your face and tell yourself you are strong. Whatever it is a breakup, a broken arm, a lost job or even depression – it shall pass like everything else you have gone through. Cherish yourself as a person and think about all your past accomplishments. Pat yourself on the back for getting so far in life. Write down names of everyone that loves you, if you have forgotten or feel lonely. After all this is done know you will fall apart again today or tomorrow or next week. It will be a cycle to your healing. And once you have healed you will know next time this will not break you like it did the first time, that next time you will know exactly what to do. You can call yourself a pro! you can tell yourself you been there and done that or you can fall apart again. Because at the end of the day the right way to fight the struggle and grief is to not question it but let it run its course and grow stronger from it.